Monthly Archives: January 2016

Lip Sync Battle Trumps Itself

Okay – so I have a confession for you folks.

In fact – I’ve got THREE BIG CONFESSIONS to make to you folks.

First confession – one of my secret guilty pleasures is watching LIP SYNC BATTLE on television. It doesn’t have a thing to do with any sort of writing whatsoever. It’s music, it is dancing, it is lip sync – and best of all it can be so danged funny.

Let’s face it. There is almost nothing better than laughter for helping a person just plain feel good – and the latest episode of LIP SYNC BATTLE has got to be the funniest that I have ever seen – and I am talking about Josh Gad’s tribute to Donald Trump with Divinyl’s “I Touch Myself”.

Oh my god.

That has got to be the FUNNIEST spoof on Donald Trump yet.

Of course – nothing could possibly beat the first episode of LIP SYNC BATTLE where Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson went toe-to-toe with Jimmy Fallon.

Who knew The Rock could lip sync?

Second big confession.

I used to BE a lip syncer.

Way back when I was a student attending Capreol High School I used to rock to Rod Albert and Barry “The Crusher” (one of the math teachers) and Mr. Cooke (the other math teachers) and a couple of other teachers whose names escape me right now formed a band called “The Rejects”. Once a year they would put on a lip sync rock concert in which they would get dressed up in old leather jackets and sun glasses and would lip sync on stage in the school gymnasium before the entire student body.

Inspired by them I got together a group of my own – several of the toughest kids in the school – and we performed our own lip sync concert. I can still see myself in this gigantic Elton John – Sonny and Cher fluffy vest and my shoulder length hair entering the gymnasium with a fistful of flash powder (courtesy of the science department) and a lit match in each hand. I entered in a great flash that absolutely looked brilliant (according to every one who saw it) and I lip synced to Elton John’s Saturday Night’s All Right For Fighting.

Looking back now it is a wonder I didn’t go up in a big ball of fire considering all of the fabric and hair spray I was wearing for the act.


I wish I had some footage of that old act. I had almost forgotten it had ever happened – but sometimes laughter is kind of like a sort of a time machine that takes you right back to a time and a place that you thought you had completely forgotten.

So instead – here’s the other half of the Dwayne Johnson versus The Rock showdown.

All right – so I hope that you folks had fun with this blog entry of mine – but I want to hear my third and final confession of the day.

I have FINALLY finished my latest novel, KELPIE DREAMS, and as of yesterday I submitted it to Kindle Scout. That’s right – I am NOT done trying to break into the Kindle Scout program. A few months ago I tried it with my time travelling toilet novel A BLURT IN TIME and even though that first attempt did not make it all the way I am determined to kick down the door with this second novel.


So that is my third confession. And I am going to apologize in advance because over the next thirty days or so I am going to have to turn the volume up a bit on my Facebook, my Twitter and my blog to shout a little about KELPIE DREAMS and to let you folks all know just EXACTLY how you can help me make it into Kindle Scout.

So – knock ’em out of the park Al, knock ’em out of the park Sal – (anyone who DOES watch LIP SYNC BATTLE knows where that reference comes from)

Catch you on the flip side.

yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon


Marketing is Farming, Not Hunting

I’m a farmer as well. I’ve never hunted in my life, although I did help drag a bear out of the woods after my stepdad had shot it. Hey, it was good eating.

Chris Fox Writes

Writing a novel is an immense undertaking, and before you finish it you think it’s the most daunting thing you’ll ever do. Then you DO finish it, and suddenly you need to figure out how to get people to read it.

Before long you realize you need to learn this strange sorcery called marketing, so you start asking around, reading blog posts, and digesting anything else you think will help. Then you start posting ‘look I wrote a book’ to Facebook, Twitter, and anywhere else you think people might see it.

People throw rotten tomatoes, and you quickly retreat back into your introvert shell. You realize that all the Facebook groups you joined are full of other people like you who are also yelling BUY MY BOOK as loudly as possible.

The method described above is the hunting approach. Your prey are readers, and you are stalking them through the…

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Save Your Readers 50% Off On KWL Titles–On Us!

HEY – all of you Kobo reading-types. Take advantage of this HUGE 50% off sale good for ANY KWL title. That includes my e-books as well – so grab a copy if you’ve been wondering about any of my titles.

I wonder about my titles constantly.


Grab the full details right here –  Save Your Readers 50% Off On KWL Titles–On Us!


yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

The Sweetest Two Words

The sweetest two words in the entire universe of a writer’s existence has to be “The End”.


I’ve just finished writing a novel. I am not going to tell you that it is the very best novel that anyone will ever read – but it is the very best that I have written in a long old time. I had a whole year or two of dry stretch – getting my mind cluttered with things that do not matter. I won’t call it a writer’s block. I would not dignify it with that particular statement. I was writing things – through it all. Stories and novellas and blog entries and a multitude of kboard comments – but this is the first full-sized novel that honest-to-god really feels like I finally know what I am doing again.

Let me tell you it feels really good.

I’ll tell you a bit more about the book over the next few days.



yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

Knowing Where To End Your Story



The other day someone asked on kboards just what they ought to do if they knew where they wanted to END their story, but not where they wanted to START it from.

This is basically how I answered that question.

For me, a story is a little like a journey. It really helps if I know WHERE I want to start off from and WHERE I want to get to. It is kind of like that whole Google Quest map thing where in order to get directions you have to punch in BOTH locations to find out how to get from here to there, providing you don’t mind driving through that brand new school that was built last month and hasn’t made it’s way onto Google Quest yet.


So – if, as in your case, I just DON’T know where I am starting from – I’d probably just try and start from as close a beginning as was humanly possible. Like say I was about to write SAVING PRIVATE RYAN – well, I might start off RIGHT at the Normandy invasion. We got all those bullets flying overhead and the eighty-eight’s whiz-banging past our ears and look over there at the machine gun nest and the bunker with the SCUD missile – oh shoot, that’s an anachronism – and then the landing craft rolling ahead and there’s Tom Hanks sitting in the landing craft thinking to himself hot-dang-but-I-am-sure-going-to-get-myself-an-Oscar-for-this and maybe then he opens up his mouth and says “Life is like a box of land mines.” and by the time I have written old Tom right on up to trying to duel a Tiger tank with a .45 automatic then it might hit me that hey, wouldn’t it be cool if I started this whole thing as Private Ryan all grown up and maybe get Matt Damon looking grown-up (and I know that isn’t possible because Matt Damon NEVER looks grown up) – so we’ll get some other actor to play old fart Matt Damon and I sure that I haven’t spoiled the movie for anyone who hasn’t seen it before.


What I am trying to say is just pick a spot and start and by the time you get the end you will most likely figure out that you should have started a whole lot earlier in the storyline- (or, in the case of old fart Damon – a whole lot later) so you can go back in a time machine called second-draft-thinkover – because writing a novel is like a box of chocolates and you NEVER know who gets stuck with that danged maraschino cherry!

Which is all right by me, because I actually LIKE maraschino cherries.

If you want to read the whole thread at kboards just swing on over and have yourself a look.


yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

Giving the hose to winter ice build-up

It is Tuesday and we are having a HUGE warm spell today and tomorrow here in Halifax, according to the weather man. It is only temporary and it is going to be slushy in spots – but I welcome it. I am filling up some cheap nylon stockings with road salt and clambering up a ladder a little bit later this morning to place the salt bags along my gutter to help break down the ice build-up while we experience the two day warm up.

Me, I hate the winter.

If winter were a fellow I would kick him in his icy testicles.

If winter were a woman I would tell her that she looks very good for her age and that my grandmother has the very same dress.

If winter were a dog I would pretend to throw a bone – only I wouldn’t – and I would laugh at that sad, hurt look of betrayal in it’s doggy-eyes and then I would call the dog pound and ask if they make house calls.

And if winter was a cute little bunny rabbit I would happily name that cute little rabbit “stew” and I would read him bedtime stories of hasenpfeffer and jugged hare and maybe a wine list if I felt snobby.

But for now I am going to do my very best to enjoy the fine balmy winter temperatures of today and tomorrow.

Come Friday they are calling for snow.

And so it goes.

yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

Facebook Ads: One Author’s Experience

One of things that concerns ALL of us indie-authors is the need to constantly promote our work. I’ve been kicking around that whole notion of Facebook ads or Twitter ads or Amazon ads for a while now. I’m not ready to jump yet – but this article takes a REALLY sound look at Facebook ads.

Facebook Ads: One Author’s Experience


yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink

Okay – so I often do the dishes without being told. I do sometimes leave a dish or two somewhere where I ought not to with the promise to myself (that I generally keep) that I will grab those dishes up when I am filling the dishwasher. I do always ask my wife if there is ANYTHING I can pick up for her to make her day easier when I am going to the mall. Actually, just yesterday I took my fifteen dollar gift card that I was given as a Christmas and bought a cheap Chilean red wine which my wife loves and a bottle of banana bread beer, which I love.

I’m not too big on bed making though. Heck, I’m just going to sleep in it and mess it up again…

Must Be This Tall To Ride

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It seems so unreasonable when you put it that way: My wife left me because sometimes I leave dishes by the sink.

It makes her seem ridiculous; and makes me seem like a victim of unfair expectations.

We like to point fingers at other things to explain why something went wrong, like when Biff Tannen crashed George McFly’s car and spilled beer on his clothes, but it was all George’s fault for not telling him the car had a blind spot.

This bad thing happened because of this, that, and the other thing. Not because of anything I did!

Sometimes I leave used drinking glasses by the kitchen sink, just inches away from the dishwasher.

It isn’t a big deal to me now. It wasn’t a big deal to me when I was married. But it WAS a big deal to her.

Every time she’d walk into the kitchen…

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Star Wars Snowblower

Okay – so I want a Star Wars Millennium Falcon snowblower!


yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

Here is my interview with Steve Vernon

True confession.

Fiona sent me the questions almost TWO FREAKING YEARS AGO.

For two freaking years she waited patiently for my reply.

Early this week she sent me a VERY polite query – “Hey Steve – are you EVER going to reply?”K

Me, I would have sworn at me a few times and maybe even e-mailed me a kick in the kiester.

I would not EVER call me an organized fellow.

Here’s the interview. Once I got reminded I got right on to the answering. Many thanks, Fiona. 🙂


Name – Steve Vernon

Age – Tiptoeing up on sixty.

Where are you from? – Originally, from a small town named Capreol, in Northern Ontario – about twenty miles north of Sudbury.

Fiona: When and why did you begin writing?

Steve: I first began writing back in public school. It started out when I got a good mark for writing a good story. Right away, I put two and two together and figured out that the easiest way for me to do well in school and to get the teacher off of my back was to continue writing good stories. I mean, just think about it. What is a history essay – if not a story? What is a book report? It’s just a story about some book. Around about eleven years old I submitted a story to Alfred Hitchock’s Mystery Magazine and received a handwritten rejection note from an…

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