Giving the hose to winter ice build-up

It is Tuesday and we are having a HUGE warm spell today and tomorrow here in Halifax, according to the weather man. It is only temporary and it is going to be slushy in spots – but I welcome it. I am filling up some cheap nylon stockings with road salt and clambering up a ladder a little bit later this morning to place the salt bags along my gutter to help break down the ice build-up while we experience the two day warm up.

Me, I hate the winter.

If winter were a fellow I would kick him in his icy testicles.

If winter were a woman I would tell her that she looks very good for her age and that my grandmother has the very same dress.

If winter were a dog I would pretend to throw a bone – only I wouldn’t – and I would laugh at that sad, hurt look of betrayal in it’s doggy-eyes and then I would call the dog pound and ask if they make house calls.

And if winter was a cute little bunny rabbit I would happily name that cute little rabbit “stew” and I would read him bedtime stories of hasenpfeffer and jugged hare and maybe a wine list if I felt snobby.

But for now I am going to do my very best to enjoy the fine balmy winter temperatures of today and tomorrow.

Come Friday they are calling for snow.

And so it goes.

yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

5 responses to “Giving the hose to winter ice build-up

  1. I would replace winter with summer. That is how I feel about summer in Florida.


    • If I wasn’t so lazy I’d walk right down to Florida and give you a kick. Maybe even two kicks – except my feet might be awfully tired from all of the walking. I’d have to get me a passport too – or else just share the kicking with the border patrol. 🙂


  2. You would tell her she looked very good for her age! Hahahahah. I get told all the time that I look “really good for someone who has 9 kids.” I’m not really sure what this means or what people with 9 kids usually look like.


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