Tag Archives: movie

LOGAN: A MOVIE REVIEW

Back at Christmas time a good friend from work gave me some movie money, on the promise that I would write up a movie review.

The only problem was, most of what was out there around Christmas truly sucked.

I took a look at what was coming up and I decided that I was going hold onto my movie money virginity until LOGAN came out.

So, on the second weekend of the movie run my wife and I went to see LOGAN. I’m not sure why. It’s not like we were superhero geeks or anything like that.

Aquaman and Mera

No, neither my wife nor I are wearing wigs – and we both have very short hair now!

Well, let’s start out by saying that LOGAN truly rocked.

The movie was totally awesome. It showed us viewers a true picture of a hero grown old. Hell, there were two heroes grown old – Wolverine AND Professor X.

I can relate to that. I’m tiptoeing up on sixty years of age and my wife has markered my name on the bathroom mirror so that I will remember who I am shaving every morning after breakfast. I’ve developed a tremor in my right hand that worsens under stress. Snow has fallen upon my temples and beard and a lifetime of cheeseburgers and beer have begun to accumulate around my belt.

Getting old is God’s joke on us all. Sooner or later, we all drive a beater of a car. Our ball bearings begin to rust and we begin to creak and we begin to smell funny. Old Man Death is catching up to us and he is taking his sweet time, but we can feel him coming on just the same.

Logan fedora

My goodness, Steve, that last sentence depressed me so badly I’m finally giving up the role of Professor X – and I am likewise admitting that Kirk was a far ballsier starship Captain than I could ever hope to be!!

What I liked about LOGAN was that this was a superhero movie that did not kid around. It was dark and Wolverine’s claws were really freaking sharp and he did not pull any punches or waste time posing and flexing like a wannabe Mr. Universe.

I also appreciate the dark near-apocalyptic universe they staged the movie in, although the geek-boy in me still quietly yearned for the balls-to-the-wall fantasy that was the graphic novel, OLD MAN LOGAN. I understand that OLD MAN LOGAN was just a bit too comic book geeky to create the heavy powerful atmosphere of the movie LOGAN – but I still wanted to see an Old Man Hulk attempting to chow down on the Wolverine.

Still, the movie was strong and dark and a hell of a goodbye to an amazing character’s film career. Oh, I am sure that we will see another Wolverine. Some chucklehead will come up with the idea that a Norwegian Wolverine played by a young hipster with a full-blown Duck Dynasty beard would be a wonderful idea – and hey, what if he sang show tunes?

But for me, there is never going to be any other actor who could play this character so well as Mr. Hugh Jackman, even if he CAN sing show tunes.

Oh yeah – I am supposed to be reviewing this movie, aren’t I?

Well, what can I tell you?

LOGAN is a damn good movie.

If you dig the Wolverine, get your ass into a theater and go and see it, right now.

Wolverine beaten by Spock

Hands up, any of you who geek-types who remember that Spock beat the Wolverine with a Vulcan neck pinch. That’ll serve him right for daring to comparing Patrick Stewart with the original World Federation wrestling superstar, William Shatner!

Yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice – a review

Okay – so another of the movies I got given for Christmas was this one!

220px-batman_v_superman_poster

Kiss and make-up?

So now I’m going to review it.

Fair warning – there are GOING to be some spoilers ahead. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, hold off on reading this review.

Mind you, I am somewhat biased. I can’t be too rough on this flick. I mean, I asked freaking Santa Claus for it, after all.

My taste in movies can’t be THAT bad, can it?

bad-taste

Peter Jackson flick – long before the horror that was The Hobbit!

Let’s start with the beginning. We open with that scene of the alley-shooting which I have seen about a billion times before – in comic book and movie format. Come on now. Can’t we safely assume that MOST of the world’s population have a pretty good idea how Batman got into the crime fighting profession?

Then we get that whole scene of how Superman’s battle messed up the city and how Batman couldn’t get to the scene of the crime fast enough to rescue some dude who got a building dropped on his legs. I mean, this guy is Batman, isn’t he? He OUGHT to have something a little sportier than an SVU to ride around in.

Let me pause for a minute and divulge something that’s pretty important. First off, I hated those three Batman movies (Batman Begins and those other two). First off, Batman’s voice became harder to understand with every movie. By the time the third movie came around we had Batman fighting Bane – the only super villain in the world to decide that wearing a Predator’s jock strap over his mouth was a really smart idea!

bane

Read my lips…

Well – Ben Affleck really does a great job portraying Batman.

Superman (Henry Cavill) is a little stiff playing Superman.

Wonder Woman – who is really only in this movie to help advertise her own movie – looks great but as soon as she speaks her dialogue really seems to fall flat. I’m sure she is a competent actress but I felt like she was reading off of cue cards the whole way through. But I bought her in the fight scenes.

Mind you, my wife made me take her back for a refund.

🙂

Let me talk about Luthor.

Why hasn’t anyone been able to come up with a real kickass Lex Luthor yet?

The dude who played Luthor in this movie had all of the dramatic depth of a Borat – with the Joker thrown into the mix. I just didn’t buy him as a criminal genius, not one little bit. I kept feeling he’d had too much sugar and had been watching YTV commercials most of his life. He kind of reminded me of Foamy the Squirrel on helium.

So we got an hour of all sorts of build-up. Everybody is hating on Superman and hating on Batman and we got a whole lot of angsty shots of brooding superheroes with a couple of cheap-assed cameos from the Flash and Aquaman who might as well have been wearing sandwich boards advertising the upcoming Justice League movie which is probably also going to be heavy and shadowy and angst-ridden and boring.

Then we got an eight minute fight scene between Batman and Superman.

They pretty kill each other until the Batman – great detective that he is supposed to be – finds out that Superman’s adoptive mother had the same first name as Batman’s mother.

Martha.

One minute before that happens the two superheroes have each other on the brink of destruction and then all of a sudden it’s kiss and make-up time.

“Damn dude, your mom has got the same name as my mom. What are we fighting for, anyway?”

Really?

Is that what really passes for scripting?

About that time somebody in production looks at their wristwatch and says something like “Damn it, we are going to need an whole hour of movie length before we hit the credits.”

(and yes, I have heard about the so-called ULTIMATE version that adds another half an hour to the whole bloated two and one-half hours of mind kill)

So then all at once somebody gets the idea of throwing Doomsday into the mix.

I mean – stop and think about it.

We’ve got the whole Frank Miller Dark Night Returns story arc kind of cannibalized and vivisected and mosaicked back together in a rather piss-poor fashion.

That’s a story arc that could have been a whole entire movie.

Then we’ve got the whole Superman versus Doomsday story arc kind of cannibalized and vivisected as well, jamming it into this two and a half hour crapfest.

I just have to say that I was left really feeling disappointed in this flick. I was really hoping that this would revitalize my love for superhero movies but between Batman v. Superman and Marvel’s Civil War movie I really feel like I had my pocket picked at the movie store.

Damn Santa Claus.

One last comment.

I am way past tired of hearing bloggers and newscasters alike talking about this movie and calling it BATMAN VEE SUPERMAN, rather than BATMAN VERSUS SUPERMAN!

Damn it.

V means versus – although if I had to give this movie a grading like in public school I guess “V” wouldn’t be that far off of the mark.

I gave Captain America: Civil War a “W” – and it was only Giant Man that saved them from a “Z”.

yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

 

 

Really Cool Alternative Movie Posters!

Jim, my buddy at the blog WRITTEN IN BLOOD has a really cool running feature in which he gathers up alternative movie posters – that is, posters for horror movies that we all know and love – only these posters WEREN’T widely distributed.

For example, we all know this poster!

But how many of you have seen THIS version of the poster?

Or THIS version?

Got the idea?

So, without further ado, why don’t you take a look at these really cool alternative movie posters for ALIENS, John Carpenter’s THE THING, or this glacial-cool assortment of alternative movie posters?

And if you are a horror fan of any kind you really ought to be following Jim’s blog, WRITTEN IN BLOOD.

yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon


If you enjoyed this blog entry why don’t you do one of the very best things that you can do for a writer and pick up one of my e-books?

With over 40 e-books and 7 traditionally published books I am sure that you all will agree that you have an awful of alternatives to choose from!

🙂

Steve Vernon on Kindle!

Steve Vernon on Kobo!

Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue…

Okay, so I’m having my morning coffee and taking a fast peek at Twitter and I ran into this trailer for an upcoming Keanu Reeves movie – JOHN WICK.

It looked like a good no-brainer action flick. I happen to really enjoy no-brainer action flicks so I thought I’d take a peek at the trailer.

It looked all right until Keanu’s voiceover at about the minute mark.

“I lost everything. That dog was a final gift from my dying wife.”

???

Holy whiskey, tango, foxtrot Batman – who farted in the Bat-Elevator?

Having some ex-green-beret, ex-superspy, ex-hitman, ex-badass-black-op go bonzo-berserk because somebody killed his dog is fine motivation for a no-brainer action flick.

But do not spell it out in a piece of dumbass-dialogue like that!!!

I must be getting meaner as I get older but I almost spilled my coffee when I heard that line – and that coffee was a final gift from my wife who was going off to ride the bus to her day-job.

Come on, scriptwriter.

(or more as likely, come on, director)

GIVE YOUR READER/VIEWER A LITTLE FREAKING CREDIT!!!

You don’t need to spell EVERYTHING out. That single stinking piece of dialogue air-dropped JOHN WICK squarely into cliche-land.

I’m sorry, Keanu. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I really kind of enjoyed you in SPEED and you were freaking awesome in THE REPLACEMENTS and I am really sorry that I cannot think of another movie that I even remotely liked you in but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

Peaked, way too early!

Don’t talk to me about THE MATRIX. The way I see it those two sequels pretty well double-negatived that whole movie into the Phantom Zone of inconsequential cinema.


Let me tell you about dialogue.

Have you ever had a policeman ask you for your driver’s license? How about at the liquor store – when the counter clerk asks you for some ID?

(and damn it – folks stopped asking me for ID thirty-eight years ago)

Every single piece of dialogue in your book and/or movie is your character’s ID card!

You don’t want to hand that liquor store clerk a piece of ID that looks as if your buddy Photoshopped it up out of a template he found in a bubble gum machine.

Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue!

If your character opens up his mouth – make DAMN sure that something interesting falls out of it!

Yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

PS – If you REALLY want to read yourself a novel about somebody willing to go to war over a dead dog – pick yourself up a copy of Jack Ketchum’s RED.

This is – by far – my favorite Ketchum novel and well worth reading. There was a movie made but I’m pretty sure Keanu Reeves wasn’t in it.