Okay, so I already told you that I had a Jalapeno Beer Cheeseburger at Elle’s Bistro (1678 Barrington) last night – and it was awesome and I raved about it and you probably read it if you are reading this right one.

But let me tell you – that Jalapeno Beer Cheeseburger WAS the girl that I went home with, but it was NOT my first choice. I had decided early on that I wanted to hit the Auction House (1726 Argyle) for their honking big MAC STACK!

burger-week Auction House

So what happened?

Well, let me tell it to you.

I got off work at 5pm yesterday and when I walked up to the Auction House, there was a huge herd of people plugged up in the entrance way. I mean there were so many people jammed into that entrance that the restaurant had to hire a pack of renegade cattle rustlers to wrangle that unruly mob into some sort of a semblance of order.

Western 6


Today I got off work at 4pm and hustled down there to the Auction House and there was still a huge herd of people but I managed to wedge myself onto a bar stool in between about two dozen synchronized stool-monkeys.

“Burger?” the bartender asked.

“You bet,” I said.

And I sat and sipped on a Coors Light.

What can I tell you? I had worked a seven day work week and I was ready for a beer. A cheap one, mind you – but a beer, nonetheless.

The burger was brought over.

Now let me tell you about the Mac Stack. It is a flame-grilled beef patty topped with a heap of mac and cheese, crushed Cheetos, kabayaki sauce, Canadian Cheddar and sauerkraut.

Give me a minute, would you, while I go and Google kabayaki…

(Does that sound dirty, or is that just my imagination?)

“Kabayaki is a preparation of fish, especially unagi eel, where the fish is split down the back, gutted and boned, butterflied, cut into square fillets, skewered, and dipped in a sweet soy sauce-based sauce before being broiled on a grill.” – Wikipedia

All right – you just sit there and ruminate the infallible wonders of Wikipedia, while I hold forth upon the orgasm-on-a-plate that we mortals refer to as Mac and Cheese.

Real Mac and Cheese is a wonderful thing. You want to cook it just right – so that you can hear the wind whispering simultaneously over a thousand acres of honest-to-noodles durum wheat along with a whole entire herd full of harmoniously huddled Holsteins. You know that you have got the real stuff when you bite into a mouthful and it sings you a lullabye of happy stomach noises intermingled with the curdling sound of cholesterol-clogged major league arteries.

Can you tell that I am getting excited?

Well, that burger was everything that I had dreamed it would be. In fact, I am sitting here typing this review out and wishing that I had grabbed a second burger. It was that good. So as you make your way across those heavenly seven days that we mere mortals refer to as BURGER WEEK, be sure to stop in at The Auction House and grab yourself a Mac Stack. Just leave yourself some time to allow for the masses of burger-hungry citizens who are likewise pilgrimigrating towards Burger Nirvana.

Yours in Storytelling,

Steve Vernon

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