Making Gypsy Soup

“A man is not a man until he can build himself a proper pot of soup.”

So, boy, you want to learn how to make a proper pot of soup.

Let me show you how.

First, slice an onion. Everything good starts with onions. God himself once told me that he built the world out of a single red onion.

Would I lie to you?

Slice a couple of sweet potatoes. Slice them thin – thin enough to cut your finger upon. Slice a few carrots, a zucchini – preferably yellow. Some celery – lots of celery.

Whatever you can borrow.

Whatever you can steal.

Buy it, if you have to.

Put the pot on to heat. If you do not own a pot go and buy one. Or steal it.

If you cannot find a pot then go and hang yourself from a rope.

If you cannot find then just go somewhere and think of a rope. Perhaps it will come to you.

While you have been looking for the rope the pot should be nicely hot.

Put your finger in and touch the pot and see.

Did you burn yourself?

Stupid.

Would you do everything  that you are told to do?

Throw the onions in first. Then a little garlic to keep away colds and other bad people.

Pour in a big can of diced tomatoes. Or a small can if you cannot afford a big one. Or no can at all – if you don’t really like tomatoes.

But if you don’t like tomatoes there is no hope for you.

Go and find that rope.

Or else you could chop a fresh tomato if you had it – but for me that is too much like work.

Pepper it.

Lots of good black pepper.

Pour on chicken stock. Enough to cover the vegetables. If you do not have enough chicken stock go back and find that rope.

Or add water – whichever is easiest.

Listen – you are making soup – not rocket scientists.

Finally, add a can of chick peas.

No – I do not know which came first – the chicken or the pea. I suppose it depends on how much the chicken has had to drink.

Wait for the stock to boil. You could sing to it while you wait – singing is good for a man’s spirit. But do not spit in the soup for that is bad luck – especially if you are going to eat that soup later.

Better yet – you could always clean up the kitchen while you wait for the soup to boil.

It’s not rocket science boy.

When it boils turn the heat down as low as it will go and put a lid upon the soup.

Let it sit and simmer for an hour.

Or two hours.

Or all morning long.

Your kitchen will smell good.

Your wife – who has a cold today and is craving good hot soup – will thank you for it.

Remember – you do not really need a recipe to cook. Cooking is just how a man stretches his soul and teaches it how to breathe. He gives it good scents so that it has something splendid to inhale.

2013-03-07 21.13.25

yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

PS: If you LIKED this recipe for soup why not pick up a copy of my full length novel of Gypsy fortune-telling and vampires –  GYPSY BLOOD.

“A fantasy for those readers who hate fantasy!” – Amazon Review

Available in Kobo format!

or

Available in Kindle format!

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13 responses to “Making Gypsy Soup

  1. My favourite soup made by my favourite man…now go check your email because I can’t speak so you have to call my jobs and tell them I’m too sick to come in….thanks for the soup baby!

    Like

  2. That soup looks good 🙂

    Like

  3. Love it! Making soup is great.

    Like

  4. That looks very good.

    Like

  5. Okay, that’s me (not one of the bad people) knocking at your door, ready for some of that soup.

    Like

  6. Pingback: Making Gypsy Soup | YOURS IN STORYTELLING...

  7. Funniest recipe… and most dramatic, too, that I’ve ever read.

    Thanks for this!

    Sarah Butland
    author of Arm Farm, Blood Day and Brain Tales

    Like

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