Nothing Worse Than A Dirty Duck…

I was just reading Mark Leslie Lefebvre’s blog article on dealing with spam phone calls.’s+Blog)

And I thought I’d add my own two bits on this.

First off, Mark I have to tell you that NOTHING in the world riles me more than hearing some fellow insinuate that I have a dirty duck.

I mean – what right has the guy got calling you up to ask if you want your duck cleaned?

Dang it – maybe your duck is deeply sensitive!

But here’s how I handle spam phone calls.

We’ve been getting a lot of them over the last year or two – usually from the same outfit – once or twice a month – asking about our computer system. I’m not going to name any company names here – for fear of spam-bots – but the calls usually go like this.

I pick up the phone.


“Hi. This is Dave. I’m calling from the technical department of your computer company. We’ve noticed some trouble and we just need to ask you a few questions.”

Which usually leads to them asking me for my credit card information, my bank account information, a DNA sample, the middle name of my cat, and my first three born children.

I usually hit them back with this sort of a reply.

“Hi, Dave. Man, you really aren’t very good at this sort of thing, are you?” Has anyone ever told you that your voice lacks true conviction? I bet all of the other interviewers laugh at you behind your back? Have you ever thought about driving a taxi? Or how about plumbing? Does your mother know what you do for a living?”

Usually about halfway through I’ll hear some sort of a click – and then I giggle and my blood pressure does not rise and somewhere halfway across the country poor Dave is standing on the ledge outside of his cubicle window getting set to jump…

Like Mark says – keep your sense of humor and your wits about you at all times. Getting angry only raises your blood pressure, spoils your digestion and shortens your lifespan.

And lay off my duck, durn it.

Yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon


One response to “Nothing Worse Than A Dirty Duck…

  1. Oh my, where to start. I’ve pulled a lot of tricks on callers who ‘want something’. I received the ‘computer problem’ call, too. The last time, I asked the woman in which computer was the problem located because there were ten in the house (we don’t have ten, but it was fun to play). This stumped her for only a second. She said it was mine. Which one? I have two, one for travelling and one for home. Eventually I told her I wasn’t that stupid to fall for her tricks but it was nice talking to her.

    The calls my kids love is the one where I rant about it being supper time here in the Maritimes and how rude it is to call at meal time and obviously they weren’t brought up in a proper household or they would know better to…and on and on I go until they either hand up or I do.

    Since we got call display, most of the time now I simply don’t answer the phone. I glance over, see the number is from out of province and continue on with what I’m doing. I dislike phones, so when it rings, if I’m near it, I look to see who is calling, but if I’m not, I’ll check the number when I think of it.

    Telemarketers have created a state of ‘it’s no one important so why bother answering the ring?’ Because of them, I think I’ve reached the point that I can do without a phone.

    I haven’t received the duck call, but I’d have to tell them my ducks are pretty clean. They run to the water the moment I let them out in the morning and groom themselves until little white feathers litter the backyard. Ducks. They are crazy groomers. I never knew they cared so much about personal hygiene. We have Indian runners and Muscovy.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s