Daily Archives: January 29, 2013

Nothing Worse Than A Dirty Duck…

I was just reading Mark Leslie Lefebvre’s blog article on dealing with spam phone calls.


And I thought I’d add my own two bits on this.

First off, Mark I have to tell you that NOTHING in the world riles me more than hearing some fellow insinuate that I have a dirty duck.

I mean – what right has the guy got calling you up to ask if you want your duck cleaned?

Dang it – maybe your duck is deeply sensitive!

But here’s how I handle spam phone calls.

We’ve been getting a lot of them over the last year or two – usually from the same outfit – once or twice a month – asking about our computer system. I’m not going to name any company names here – for fear of spam-bots – but the calls usually go like this.

I pick up the phone.


“Hi. This is Dave. I’m calling from the technical department of your computer company. We’ve noticed some trouble and we just need to ask you a few questions.”

Which usually leads to them asking me for my credit card information, my bank account information, a DNA sample, the middle name of my cat, and my first three born children.

I usually hit them back with this sort of a reply.

“Hi, Dave. Man, you really aren’t very good at this sort of thing, are you?” Has anyone ever told you that your voice lacks true conviction? I bet all of the other interviewers laugh at you behind your back? Have you ever thought about driving a taxi? Or how about plumbing? Does your mother know what you do for a living?”

Usually about halfway through I’ll hear some sort of a click – and then I giggle and my blood pressure does not rise and somewhere halfway across the country poor Dave is standing on the ledge outside of his cubicle window getting set to jump…

Like Mark says – keep your sense of humor and your wits about you at all times. Getting angry only raises your blood pressure, spoils your digestion and shortens your lifespan.

And lay off my duck, durn it.

Yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

Book Review: Sinking Deeper OR My awesome brilliant Questionable Heroic Decision to Invent a Sea Monster – by Steve Vernon

There’s a BRAND new book review of SINKING DEEPER over at Lynn Davidson’s blog POLILLA READS – and I’d love for you all to give it a read!


Book Review: Sinking Deeper OR My awesome brilliant Questionable Heroic Decision to Invent a Sea Monster – by Steve Vernon.