THIS BOOK SUX. I WIPED MY DOG’S BUTT WITH THE LAST TWENTY PAGES. I BLEW MY NOSE WITH THE FIRST TWENTY. I LINED MY PARAKEET’S CAGE WITH ALL OF THE PAGES IN BETWEEN. AND I STILL WANT MY MONEY BACK! – ONE STAR ISN’T LOW ENOUGH OF A RATING FOR THIS BOOK. CAN YOU BISECT A STAR ABOUT SIXTY-EIGHT-THOUSAND TIMES AND CALL IT A RATING?
Did a bad review ruin your day?
Here’s ten tips for dealing with a bad review.
1. Just look at the sales figures. Or not.
2. Run giggling to the bank. Or not.
3. Write another book. Preferably a novel involving chainsaws, shotguns and high explosive. Maybe tie that reviewer to a fictional bridge and run a make-believe railroad train full of chainsaws, shotguns and high explosives over their shrieking body. Maybe even throw in a couple of rabid dogs. EVERYBODY loves rabid dogs, don’t they?
4. Pet your cat. Listen to her purr. Soak up the adoration. Better yet, feed your cat. NOW we’re talking purring…
5. Run around the block six or eight times. Physical fitness is great for burning off bad feelings. Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll trample that blind orphan who plays her ukelele at the street corner and gets her pet rhesus monkey to hold out a paper coffee cup in hopes of tips.
6. Go and watch your favourite movie. (Yes, I spell “favourite” with an “ou” – no matter what my spell-check tells me – I’m Canadian, I’m cultured, hell – I even drink my beer with one pinkie finger daintily extended…)
7. Take a long shower. Sing. Nobody has to listen.
8. Get drunk.
9. Diddle about on Facebook asking all of your friends to tell you what a wonderful writer you are.
10. Go and write another book.
Am I repeating myself on that last entry? No – dammit – you should have stopped reading at suggestion #3 and been halfway past Chapter 17 by now…
yours in storytelling,
KINDLE SCOUT WINNER
BUY MY BOOKS ON AMAZON!
BUY MY BOOKS ON KOBO
BUY MY BOOKS ON SMASHWORDS!
BUY MY BOOKS ON GOOGLE PLAY!
PLEASE – Sign Up For My Mailing List
Top Posts & Pages
- How many ways can you say "he said"???
- Day 6 at NaNoWriMo - Making a To-Do List
- The Talking Stick - Tips on Storytelling to Children
- "I SWEAR I LEFT HER BY THE RIVER"-8 SONGS ABOUT MURDER AND WATER
- Don't Blow Your Own Horn
- Is Amazon Skynet?
- Lip Sync Battle Trumps Itself
- THIRTY DAYS OF KINDLE SCOUT - DAY 28
- My Conversation with Kindle Scout
- The Legend of Tarzan - A Review
- RT @tommydonbavand: Tommy V Cancer update: Work has begun on the sequel, which ISN'T another collection of blog posts. More details soon! ;… 7 hours ago
- RT @tommydonbavand: For World Head & Neck Cancer Day, My book - Tommy V Cancer - is just 99p/99c. Get your copy before the price goes up ag… 7 hours ago
- RT @annavalley: This is important research. Libraries and summer .... twitter.com/dorothyfarias1… 9 hours ago
- RT @jenncalder: My friend @bec_bart is in the running for nerdiest Canadian with her brilliant @minutesroadtrip! cbc.ca/beta/news/ente… 9 hours ago
- On eBooks Being a Dead Format the-digital-reader.com/2017/07/24/ebo… via @inkbitspixels 9 hours ago
- 79,550 hits