Daily Archives: January 7, 2013

Advice for dealing with a bad review…

THIS BOOK SUX. I WIPED MY DOG’S BUTT WITH THE LAST TWENTY PAGES. I BLEW MY NOSE WITH THE FIRST TWENTY. I LINED MY PARAKEET’S CAGE WITH ALL OF THE PAGES IN BETWEEN. AND I STILL WANT MY MONEY BACK!  – ONE STAR ISN’T LOW ENOUGH OF A RATING FOR THIS BOOK. CAN YOU BISECT A STAR ABOUT SIXTY-EIGHT-THOUSAND TIMES AND CALL IT A RATING? 

Did a bad review ruin your day?

Here’s ten tips for dealing with a bad review.

1. Just look at the sales figures. Or not.

2. Run giggling to the bank. Or not.

3. Write another book. Preferably a novel involving chainsaws, shotguns and high explosive. Maybe tie that reviewer to a fictional bridge and run a make-believe railroad train full of chainsaws, shotguns and high explosives over their shrieking body. Maybe even throw in a couple of rabid dogs. EVERYBODY loves rabid dogs, don’t they?

4. Pet your cat. Listen to her purr. Soak up the adoration. Better yet, feed your cat. NOW we’re talking purring…

5. Run around the block six or eight times. Physical fitness is great for burning off bad feelings. Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll trample that blind orphan who plays her ukelele at the street corner and gets her pet rhesus monkey to hold out a paper coffee cup in hopes of tips.

6. Go and watch your favourite movie. (Yes, I spell “favourite” with an “ou” – no matter what my spell-check tells me – I’m Canadian, I’m cultured, hell – I even drink my beer with one pinkie finger daintily extended…)

7. Take a long shower. Sing. Nobody has to listen.

8. Get drunk.

9. Diddle about on Facebook asking all of your friends to tell you what a wonderful writer you are.

10. Go and write another book.

Am I repeating myself on that last entry? No – dammit – you should have stopped reading at suggestion #3 and been halfway past Chapter 17 by now…

 

yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

FLASH VIRUS: EPISODE FOUR – Now Available in Kindle and Kobo format!

Flash Virus Episode Four

Those folks who have been following my series/serial FLASH VIRUS – you will be MORE than happy to know that the fourth episode has just gone live in Kindle format on the Amazon website.

I am REALLY excited about this episode. Things really begin to heat up. In fact, I’d call this episode a barnburner.

In fact – you stack a whole barn full of barns into a a town filled with nothing but barns – and burn all that – and you still aren’t going to come within a billion degrees of the heat that is wrapped up in this episode. There are a couple of scenes that will knock your toes right out of your socks – so get used to the reek of toe-jam as you curl up to read this ripping great yarn.

FLASH VIRUS: EPISODE FOUR – buy this RIGHT now!
Available from Kindle and Kobo for a mere 99 cents!!!