Attention. Attention. I would like to post the longest piece of creative spam to ever appear upon the Internet today.
(someone call up the Guinness Foundation and ask them to send me a cold one…)
So – what will I spam?
Well, I’ve got some beans in the refrigerator. Spam does go AWFULLY good with beans. But I don’t have a tin of Spam – and I don’t feel like stomping out through the blizzard to buy myself a tin of Spam at the grocery – and besides, I’m pretty certain that Robin isn’t REALLY talking about that high-caloric greasy-sweet salted-to-perfection pack-the-clotted-fat-around-your-arteries-and-wait-to-die goodness that men call SPAM.
Naw, she’s talking about the phrase that we Facebook Group followers have come to fear and loathe…BUY MY BOOK!
But hey – it’s Spam-it-up Friday – and I REALLY want to tell you about this book I wrote.
I really do. I’m going to burst if I don’t tell it to you.
Don’t make me burst on you!
The book is called TATTERDEMON.
All right – so it isn’t FREE.
It isn’t even CHEAP.
But it is nearly 400 pages cram-pack-loaded with pure scarecrow entertainment.
It is a wild exciting no-holds-barred hayride through a field of indescribable horror.
So let me try and describe it to you!
Imagine you’ve just killed your husband. Your loud-mouth bullying abusive husband. What, you’re a guy? Work with me. Imagine you’re a woman and you’ve just killed your husband – on account of the man was really just too mean and stupid to let live for moment longer.
Only problem is, you’ve gone and buried him in a field that is cursed by a witch who was unjustly murdered and buried in that very same field – THREE HUNDRED YEARS AGO!
Now – anyone who has ever read a horror novel or seen a horror movie KNOWS damn well that if you go and execute and bury somebody unjustly – well, sooner or later they’re going to come back at you. We’re talking rise up from the dead – and before you get to squawking something along the lines of “OH MY DEAR-DYING-GOD not another spud-stomping zombie novel! Somebody kill me and raise me back up and kill me again before I read another word!” – think again.
This isn’t your granddaddy’s zombie novel.
This isn’t a zombie novel AT ALL!
It’s scarecrows.
Got it?
So what if that husband – we’ll call him Vic, on account of that’s what his name is – rises up from the dead? Along with the spirit of your father – the same one that your mother killed for reasons of her own – rises up in spirit-form along with Vic? What if that witch comes back and what if everything that was EVER killed or buried or just-plain-died in that field starts coming back?
Then you throw into that mix a couple of spree-killing convicts, a voodoo-practicing sheriff’s deputy, a peeping-tom postal worker, an anorexic ex-circus fat woman, a sheriff who has got a secret hidden in his downstairs freezer, a broken-hearted ex-marine trucker who is terrified of his ex-wife and Earl Toad – the world’s shortest action hero and things REALLY begin to heat up.
Well – things are just naturally bound to get exciting – now aren’t they?
Now – be honest with yourself – if you find yourself the least bit intrigued by this description – or even the least bit amused by this cathartic rant of pure undiluted liquid Spam – (now there’s a concept!) – or even the least bit sorry for my poor rusted out backbone that is going be tested by another bout of snow-shoveling later today or possibly even tonight – why don’t you give in to the spirits of Spam Almighty and go and buy yourself a copy of this here e-book.
It’s available on Kindle.
You can also hunt it up on Kobo.
The damn book has been sunk beneath the radar and I could REALLY use a burst of sales right about now to kickstart this puppy into going viral – SO SHARE THIS POSTING AND GO AND BUY YOURSELF A COPY OF TATTERDEMON today!
http://www.amazon.com/TATTERDEMON-ebook/dp/B0081UEXPE
It is also available on Kobo for all of you wonderful Kobo wielders!
So – how do you like your Spam???
yours in storytelling,
Steve Vernon
Done a couple of tweets on the book Steve but I can’t seem to find you on Twitter. Hope things pick up a bit.
Got you !!
Thank you, David.
This isn’t spam. It’s promo.And it makes the book sound good. My amazing work has also been kicked down the cellar stairs. But it ounces.
Bounces
Wow. Not only did your comment bounce – but it also echoed.
And yes – you are quite right. This is definitely promo – except the couple of Facebook pages where I previously posted a version of this blog entry – which just goes to show how a blogger really ought not to rely on cut-and-paste lay-out work.