Spam-it-up Fridays!!!

Attention. Attention. I would like to post the longest piece of creative spam to ever appear upon the Internet today.

(someone call up the Guinness Foundation and ask them to send me a cold one…)

So – what will I spam?

Well, I’ve got some beans in the refrigerator. Spam does go AWFULLY good with beans. But I don’t have a tin of Spam – and I don’t feel like stomping out through the blizzard to buy myself a tin of Spam at the grocery – and besides, I’m pretty certain that Robin isn’t REALLY talking about that high-caloric greasy-sweet salted-to-perfection pack-the-clotted-fat-around-your-arteries-and-wait-to-die goodness that men call SPAM.

Naw, she’s talking about the phrase that we Facebook Group followers have come to fear and loathe…BUY MY BOOK!

But hey – it’s Spam-it-up Friday – and I REALLY want to tell you about this book I wrote.

I really do. I’m going to burst if I don’t tell it to you.

Don’t make me burst on you!

The book is called TATTERDEMON.

All right – so it isn’t FREE.

It isn’t even CHEAP.

But it is nearly 400 pages cram-pack-loaded with pure scarecrow entertainment.

It is a wild exciting no-holds-barred hayride through a field of indescribable horror.

So let me try and describe it to you!

Imagine you’ve just killed your husband. Your loud-mouth bullying abusive husband. What, you’re a guy? Work with me. Imagine you’re a woman and you’ve just killed your husband – on account of the man was really just too mean and stupid to let live for moment longer.

Only problem is, you’ve gone and buried him in a field that is cursed by a witch who was unjustly murdered and buried in that very same field – THREE HUNDRED YEARS AGO!

Now – anyone who has ever read a horror novel or seen a horror movie KNOWS damn well that if you go and execute and bury somebody unjustly – well, sooner or later they’re going to come back at you. We’re talking rise up from the dead – and before you get to squawking something along the lines of “OH MY DEAR-DYING-GOD not another spud-stomping zombie novel! Somebody kill me and raise me back up and kill me again before I read another word!” – think again.

This isn’t your granddaddy’s zombie novel.

This isn’t a zombie novel AT ALL!

It’s scarecrows.

Got it?

So what if that husband – we’ll call him Vic, on account of that’s what his name is – rises up from the dead? Along with the spirit of your father – the same one that your mother killed for reasons of her own – rises up in spirit-form along with Vic? What if that witch comes back and what if everything that was EVER killed or buried or just-plain-died in that field starts coming back?

Then you throw into that mix a couple of spree-killing convicts, a voodoo-practicing sheriff’s deputy, a peeping-tom postal worker, an anorexic ex-circus fat woman, a sheriff who has got a secret hidden in his downstairs freezer, a broken-hearted ex-marine trucker who is terrified of his ex-wife and Earl Toad – the world’s shortest action hero and things REALLY begin to heat up.

Well – things are just naturally bound to get exciting – now aren’t they?

Now – be honest with yourself – if you find yourself the least bit intrigued by this description – or even the least bit amused by this cathartic rant of pure undiluted liquid Spam – (now there’s a concept!) – or even the least bit sorry for my poor rusted out backbone that is going be tested by another bout of snow-shoveling later today or possibly even tonight – why don’t you give in to the spirits of Spam Almighty and go and buy yourself a copy of this here e-book.

It’s available on Kindle.

You can also hunt it up on Kobo.

The damn book has been sunk beneath the radar and I could REALLY use a burst of sales right about now to kickstart this puppy into going viral – SO SHARE THIS POSTING AND GO AND BUY YOURSELF A COPY OF TATTERDEMON today!

http://www.amazon.com/TATTERDEMON-ebook/dp/B0081UEXPE

It is also available on Kobo for all of you wonderful Kobo wielders!

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Tatterdemon/book-2UgrygnVO0eCN47XmyEKZQ/page1.html?s=vmkj5EeFhU-dYopTQyQ8kA&r=1

 

Tatterdemon II - Kindle Cover - Text Trial (3)

 

 

So – how do you like your Spam???

 

yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon

6 responses to “Spam-it-up Fridays!!!

  1. Done a couple of tweets on the book Steve but I can’t seem to find you on Twitter. Hope things pick up a bit.

  2. This isn’t spam. It’s promo.And it makes the book sound good. My amazing work has also been kicked down the cellar stairs. But it ounces.

    • Wow. Not only did your comment bounce – but it also echoed.

      And yes – you are quite right. This is definitely promo – except the couple of Facebook pages where I previously posted a version of this blog entry – which just goes to show how a blogger really ought not to rely on cut-and-paste lay-out work.

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